Man's Smile Is Much Whiter

Denver (NBp) - On December 31st, Herb Victor first announced his success at whitening his teeth with Crispy Teeth toothpaste. "Hey everybody," Herb shouted out at the New Year's party he was attending, "look at these chompers! Aren't those the whitest things you've ever seen? And it's all because of Crispy Teeth."

Artist's illustration shows the whitening power of Crispy Teeth(tm) toothpaste, after just one stroke of the toothbrush. Unsightly decay just washes away.

"Yeah, it's eerie. Nobody's teeth are that white," exclaimed partier Nora Newman.

At midnight, Victor changed into a Crispy Teeth t-shirt and declared that 2000 was "the year of Crispy Teeth, the only toothpaste with the whitening power of asbestos". Victor has since been spotted at shopping malls, movie theaters and restaurants.

"Hey, waiter! Do you give discounts to people with shiny, white teeth," asked Victor at the local Olive Garden.

"Hi. I'm looking for a suit to go with these brilliantly white teeth," described Victor at the JC Penney store.

Independent third party observers believe that, while it is great that Victor has attained such a nice, white smile, he is not likely to last out the week due to the new heights of annoyingness that he has reached.