17 Year Old Announces That His Room Is Off Limits

Hiltonhead (NBp) - 17-year-old Kenny Price announced today that his room is "off limits" and that he "doesn't want to see anyone messing with my stuff". The announcement, made before an audience of his parents and his 14-year-old sister, is believed to have been prompted by a recent spate of infringements on his territory. Kenny's sister had been looking for her Backstreet Boys CD (which Kenny proclaimed that he "wouldn't be caught dead with"), and Kenny's mother seemed to be just generally snooping around.

Though the other Prices believe that Kenny is overreacting, Kenny's announcement was followed by an immediate appeal to the United Nations.

"Keep outta my [blinkin'] room! Man, it's like I need the UN to come in here to protect me or somethin'," declared Kenny.

Thus far, United Nations response has been swift and decisive. A multinational contingent of two UN officers has been dispatched to guard the door to Kenny's room. Additionally, the International Monetary Fund has announced a $100 million emergency aid package, to ensure that Kenny is still afforded easy access to food and medical supplies.

When asked what he will do with the IMF funds, Kenny replied, "I'm gonna buy a sports car and get me that new Limp Bizkit CD."

Though tensions in the region remain high, Kenny's mother is certain that a diplomatic solution can be reached. "Kenny will get hungry for supper and bored of sitting around in his room after a while. He'll come around, don't you worry."