New Crime Tank Makes First Bust In Bloomington

Bloomington, IN (NBp) - Just one day after the city of Bloomington took delivery of their new "Crime Fighting Tank", city officials were pleased to report the first triumph for the new vehicle.

Bloomington residents can rest easy knowing that this tank is there to keep them safe.

"Thank you Mayor Doohan," began Pfizer. "At precisely 1AM last night, we responded to a report of loud noise at the Kappa Beta Pita fraternity that was preventing the sleep of neighboring residents. Two officers knocked on the door, but there was no response. We set up a force of 25 to man the tank and provide backup. At 1:22AM, we proceeded drive the tank through the front door of the Kappa Beta Pita house and disarmed the noise producing device. Two of the perpetrators were wounded, but we are pleased to report that the entire police force was safe from harm."

Though Bloomington has a generally low crime rate, police have pushed supporters to raise the cash for the tank, because it would be "cool". The Bloomington PD is currently working on raising the funds to allow at least two shifts of patrols in the tank every day, so that all of the officers have a chance to drive the tank. Patrolling in the tank costs ten times the amount it takes to patrol in the squad cars.

"We just want to keep people safe and have a good time, at any cost," explained Doohan. "I'm certain that every city would want to do the same."