Donut Incidents on the Rise

Albuquerque (NBp) - Donut related incidents involving police officers are once again on the rise, reports the National Food and Law Enforcement Agency. After dipping in the early- to mid-90s because of a new health conciousness, overall donut consumption by police officers has increased dramatically.

"Cops love donuts," offered NFLEA director Lynn Elway as a reason for the increase. "Eating donuts is as natural to a police officer as breathing the air."

NFLEA estimates that 92% of all donuts are consumed by someone in law enforcement.

The NFLEA report states that there has been an increase in donut related misconduct as well. According to Elway, "Since the officers are craving donuts more, they are also more susceptible to donut bribes. We've even heard of a cop letting a murderer go free for a stack of jelly donuts."

One police officer is reported to have accidentally left his gun at the donut shop and was lucky to escape after he pulled a custard filled long john on a robbery suspect.

Some law enforcement officials believe that donut sales to police officers should be outlawed. President Clinton agrees.

"Illegal donut trafficking has got to stop! And we will bring it to a stop, so that we once again have an America that is safe for all of the American people, including police officers," announced Clinton during an impassioned address. "Does anyone have a cruller? I'm starving."