London (NBp) - Passengers aboard the Sweedish Cruisah Linars' Swedish Meatballs cruise ship were startled when they awoke to what sounded like "fingernails on a chalkboard". The ship had actually collided with Great Britain, an island off the coast of Europe.

"I was dreaming when we hit," described passenger Luke DeVoucher, who was not certain where he came from or how he got on the cruise ship. "In my dream, I was in school and the teacher scratched her nails on the chalkboard. It was so loud, that the entire classroom was shaking. But, then I woke up and realized that I was actually on this ship." DeVoucher described the bars of the Meatballs as excellent.

Much to the cruise company's dismay, crew members were eager to talk to the press about the incident.

"I was tellin' the cap'n that I didn't think she could take much more o' that," recounted the Scottish engineer on the ship. "We're just lucky the hull breach wasn't worse than it was."

"It turns out that our map, which had been provided to us by the CIA, was a little out of date," explained the navigator, Amos O'Cyrus. "This 'Britain' place was shown as being 500 miles south of here."

"When we saw Britain coming up in front of us, I did what any solid captain would do," said Captain Nigel Onerous. "I said 'full speed ahead! We're not going to let some little island stand in our way!'" Captain Onerous described the bars of the Meatballs as being excellent.