Area Resident Has Literally Worst Day Ever

Freebleham (NBp) - Area resident Fred Freely had literally the worst day ever. First, he was literally bowled over by the new cars available at the local dealership.

"I couldn't believe it," exclaimed Freely. "There I was, looking at the cars, and suddenly I was knocked off my feet, just like a bowling pin toppled by the ball. I mean, literally. Turns out that someone had accidentally shifted the car into neutral and taken the parking brake off."

Freely did manage to get a test drive of one of the models. He enjoyed the drive so much, that he was literally jumping for joy. Since he had taken the day off of work, he decided to catch a movie afterwards. He was literally skipping down the street to go to the theater. Freely saw The Sixth Sense and it literally knocked his socks off.

After the movie, the weather turned grim and it started literally raining cats and dogs. It was enough to literally drive Freely wild. Like a man possessed, he ran around the streets literally cackling with glee.

Finally, he started to feel like he was literally starving. At Frieda's Diner, he literally bit off more than he could chew. He ate so much, in fact, that he literally exploded.

And that was the end of his literally terrible day.