Last Original Song Written

Los Angeles (NBp) - Leaders of the major record labels announced that they are closing up shop, because all original songs have been written.

"We've noticed, as I'm sure you have too, that the songs out today all seem to have the same melodies and rhythms of songs you've heard before," announced Recording Association President Jan Hufkins. "Sure, people are using some new sounds and slightly different arrangements, but the songs really are all the same. And they're only becoming even more the same. I think Puff Daddy is evidence of that trend."

"Which, of course, ignores the sameness amongst lyrics. I doubt anyone could tell me which Celine Dion album a given snippet of a lyric is from," proclaimed Madagascar Orange Records President Amos O'Shamus.

Effective immediately, the record companies are all going to merge into one company called "Albums R Us, Inc." Albums R Us will choose approximately 100 albums from the past 50 years and produce nothing but those albums. The selection is expected to include Nine Inch Nails' Downward Spiral and Hanson's Middle of Nowhere.