President Clinton Announces Taters for Tots Program

Washington (NBp) - In an impassioned speech this morning, President Clinton announced his new "Taters for Tots" program. The new program is designed to help children, as young as age 3, eat more french fries, regardless of economic station.

"My fellow Americans, I must tell you all, that I love french fries," announced Clinton. "I did not get all of the french fries I would have liked when I was a child, and I don't want any other children to go through that. So, I have designed a three-pronged program to help our children get the french fries that they want and need."

The program calls for

1. Federal french fry coupons ('FreeFries') for needy children (redeemable at major french fry vendors such as McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's)
2. School lunch programs that provide french fries every day of the school year
3. Stiff penalties for parents who do not give french fries to their children

"We are at a historic time in American history," continued Clinton. "We have the budget surplusses necessary to provide french fries for children. We have a moral obligation to provide those fries. What parent would not want to provide these vegetables to their children when the government has made them so readily available?

"Eventually, I would like to extend the Taters for Tots program with a new program designed to make certain that every American is free to eat french fries. America is all about freedom! America is all about opportunity! And the American people want their french fries!"