Hasbro Launches the Nerf ICBM

Belgium (NBp) - Today, engineers at Hasbro Tactical, Inc., the weaponry division of the Hasbro toy company, unveiled the Nerf Intercontinental Ballistic Missile (ICBM). Hasbro's previous Nerf products have all been soft foam toys designed for children to play with one another.

Historic launch of the first US missle retrofitted with the Nerf ICBM Fun Kit.

Hasbro is offering the Nerf ICBM Fun Kit, which allows nuclear capable countries to outfit their existing missiles with Nerf soft foam padding, and the Nerf ICBM Mega-Missile. The Mega-Missile comes complete, so that countries without ICBMs today can join in the fun at any time.

Secretary of Defense William Cohen was quick to praise the Nerf ICBM. "I don't know how many times I've wanted to say, 'Mr. President, push the button!' Now I can! I can't wait to get our existing ICBM's outfitted."

NBp has learned that Taiwan is currently planning an offensive assault on Beijing involving no less than 30 Nerf ICBMs and 1,000 ground troops armed with Nerf Arrowstorms and Sharpshooters. Taipei refused to comment.

Later this year, Hasbro plans to release the Nerf Intra-Neighborhood Ballistic Missile (INBM) to help homeowners release the frustrations on other neighbors.

"Samson keeps letting his dog use our lawn as a bathroom," announced one anxious would-be missile owner, who asked to remain anonymous to keep the attack a surprise. "Now, I'll show him!"

In a ceremonial test launch, Hasbro fired the first Nerf ICBM directly at Red Square in Moscow. Tensions were high initially, when Russia believed it was under attack, but everyone got a good laugh out of it when the missile harmlessly bounced off of Lenin's statue.