Greenspan, shown here with Treasury Secretary Rudin and Princess, announced that he is raising cats and interest rates.

"In 1996, I found that one of my kittens, Princess, was acting irrationally exuberant. I immediately recognized the parallel with the stock market and made that famous speech."

"Recently, Spuds has been acting especially selfish and egocentric, which will surely lead to his downfall within the group. Therefore, in an effort to keep America's economy humming along without a glitch, it is the decision of the Federal Reserve Bank to increase the prime rate."