Man with Losing Stock Portfolio Discovered

Houston (NBp) - The financial world was shocked today as librarian Kenny Fenwick announced that his portfolio of stocks has lost money this year. As the major stock indices continue to hit new record highs, it was widely believed that losing money on stocks was impossible. Fenwick has proven that theory to be completely wrong.

Kenny Fenwick is shown here selling yet another stock at a loss.

After watching his friends make thousands in the market over the past few years, Fenwick took the plunge earlier this year. The first stock he bought, Allied Amalgamated Foodstuffs Ltd., lost half its value the day after he bought it when it was discovered that AAF's products were actually made from scraps of old tires.

"I admitted my mistake with AAF and quickly moved on," explained Fenwick. "You never can tell what will happen with a company, so there are times when you need to cut your losses and move forward."

To replenish the money he lost on AAF, Fenwick cashed in his retirement fund. He decided to diversify his portfolio by investing in two stocks. For stability, he chose automotive giant WorldWide Cars, which has sold cars around the world for the past 77 years. To take advantage of the Internet boom, he chose ePeanut.com, a company that sells discount peanuts online.

After WorldWide Cars announced that their engines tend to fall apart if people drive the cars, and ePeanut announced that they had only sold 10 small packets of peanuts in their first year of operation, Fenwick cut his losses again and picked five more stocks, on which he lost even more.

On a positive note, Fenwick's proof that not everyone is making money in the stock market caused the government to decide against raising interest rates.

Fenwick's original $10,000 investment is now valued at roughly $2.55. To cope with the staggering losses, Fenwick has announced a new investment strategy. He has announced intentions to acquire a Chalupa at Taco Bell. Many analysts consider this to be a high-risk investment, due to roving bands of hungry chihuahuas spotted recently in the Houston area.