US to Return English Channel

Washington (NBp) - In a fit of generousity, just one day after returning the Panama Canal to Panama, the United States has announced its intention to return the English Channel to the English.

"After the return of the Panama Canal, Panama is now a whole country once again," announced President Clinton. "Once we restore the English Channel to the British government, England will be whole as well."

Former President Jimmy Carter, who presided over the ceremony in Panama, will be going to London for the return of the English Channel. President Clinton will not be attending the ceremony, since "it rains a lot and is kinda cold".

US government officials are feeling very magnanimous this holiday season. Various members of Congress have discussed returning Canada to British rule (except Quebec, which will be restored to French rule), the Great Wall to China, the Great Pyramids of Giza to Egypt and the Mediterranean Sea to the Romans. A small faction have discussed giving New Zealand to Australia.

"There's really no limit to this giving thing," said Representative Edward Doodle (MWM-Massachusetts). "We're even thinking of returning those spaceships at Area 51 to the Golgafrinchans. Errr... we would return those spaceships if there were such ships."