Millenium Madness Nearly Over
By James Lander
Posted on December 7, 1999 9:18 am, in News Byproducts
In a discovery that will shock the world, scientists have discovered that millenium madness actually started decades ago and will soon be over. This new discovery stands in stark contrast to thoughts that millenium madness has only recently started firing up.
Dr. Otis Hendrix Presley-Marley last night was heard saying, "OK, so we got a few of our figures wrong. After charting out the movement of the sun and the planets, we have calculated that it is actually 2027AD. But this is just between me and you, right? Off the record? Hey! Is that a tape recorder? Is that MY tape recorder? Why you
If Dr. Presley-Marley's theories are true, then Millenium Madness actually started around 29 years ago. Studies of the last turn of the millenium show that it takes 30 years to wash the madness out of the human system. All of this madness easily explains the careers of Michael Bolton, Theo Huxtable, and Luxembourg.
The end of Millenium Madness is expected to bring about world peace, an end to road rage, and the return of the value menu at Taco Bell.
Dr. Presley-Marley's discoveries have also worried US Government officials, because they will need to start handing out social security checks to everyone born before 1960.