North Pole (NBp) - After working nearly 2,000 Christmases in a row, Santa Claus has requested Christmas off this year.

Santa Claus argues that "every year, those pesky elves merrily build their toys. Then, Christmas comes along and they get to stay in their nice warm homes, drinking egg nog with their families while I'm out there freezing my buns off delivering presents to all those kids! I'm sure I can speak for the reindeer, too, when I say that we just want a Christmas off to spend with our families."

Management has declared that they would love to give Santa the holiday of, but they are uncertain who is qualified to take on his duties.

"Maybe you can get an elf to do it. Or, if one elf can't handle it, take 10 elves. I don't care. Just work something out," exclaimed Santa. "Or maybe we can just have UPS deliver the presents on Christmas. They just made a whole bunch of money on their stock sale. They can use that cash to pay their drivers a little extra to come in through the chimneys."

This year, we are exploring alternatives to our long-standing standard Christmas present delivery procedures. We respectfully request that our patrons are not alarmed if someone other than their usual present delivery agent comes in through the chimney, or even knocks on the door. We do not know what the new agent may look like yet, but they may be wearing a brown uniform instead of the typical red and white one. Thank you for your cooperation.