Washington (NBp) - News Byproducts once again has obtained the news and issued a story before the news even happened. We have just learned that Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson has issued his ruling in the landmark U.S. v. Microsoft anti-trust trial.

"It is our considered opinion that Microsoft has, in fact, sold software," announced Jackson in between naps. "The facts show that Microsoft has even sold a lot of software. The court also finds that the U.S. Department of Justice believes that Microsoft has sold too much of the stuff and should, therefore, be punished. These facts cannot be disputed.

"After significant, in-depth research, the court has found that Microsoft, as a whole, is worth more than $400 billion. And, how did they get that way? By selling software. Good night."

Jackson's announcement went on for a further 2 hours. Here are the facts that have been proven to the court:

• Microsoft sells software.
• Software is required to run computers.
• Computers require operating system software in particular.
• Microsoft makes the dominant operating system, Windows
• Windows allow you to see the outside world, even when you're inside.
• It sure looks like a nice day to take a nap under a tree.

After nodding off briefly, Judge Jackson concluded that "it is the court's considered opinion that we should make another ruling sometime later to determine if additional rulings are necessary. Have a good night. I mean, day."